If you're wondering how to raise a good, little shopper just start early. Max has been hitting yard sales since arrival and I'm told has a keen eye for a good bargain. Max saw an interesting sale yesterday.
"I just saw a funny sign, it said garbage sale," Max said, while traveling to Grammy's. "Isn't that silly?"
When his Mother pointed out to him that it probably read garage sale, that didn't stop the laughter.
"Do they sell garages? That's silly too."
"They don't sale garages. Do they sell yards at yard sales?," Mom asked.
"Yes," Max replied.
"And fleas at flea markets," I wondered.
"Don't be silly, Dad."
After all, there's no place for silly in this family.

The looks at the park were horrifiying. When did we get a fourth child? No, not yet. It was just a visit to the park with our favorite male cousin, Oliver Hammond Moser. Normally, my kids would have the lines of the day, not so on this beautiful Memorial Day.
After seeing a fish in the water by the tennis courts ...
"I'd really like to see a fish playing tennis," Oliver declared.
Well, really, who wouldn't?
I gave Max and Ben directions on how to navigate Oliver at the intimidating Panther Playground upon his first visit there. Most of that was unnecessary.
While Max wanted to show off his arm strength at the chin bar and Ben wanted to head to the sand box, Ollie had other ideas.
"No this way, boys," he yelled to Max and Ben.
Then he was off in a maze. I looked over to Amanda and she was lost in the book. I'm sure he'll turn up at some point.

Max wants to take the bus. Dad wants to drive him. The debate rages on with lots of bribes being offered to Max and the 5 year-old not budging.
I then decided a new tactic - being truthful. I asked Max what would happen if he didn't get off the bus when it was his stop.
Max's eyes became larger than life and a big smile came across his face. "Then I would be lost."
"How would I find you?," I asked.
"You would come to the next town and find me," he said.
"What town is that?," I asked him.
"The next one," he said.
"Where would I find you in this town?," I asked.
"I'd wait and you'd find me," Max said.
I wonder if Max has met me and understands that I've inherited my grandfather and mother's sense of direction. My wife and maybe some others point out there is no reasoning with a 5 year-old, but then what I would write about?

Max got all smiley faces on his daily report from school today ... You would think this would be good news.
"I don't know why I got a good report when I was bad," Max said.
"What do you mean you were bad," I asked.
"You know bad, I was hitting everyone," Max said.
"Who did you hit?," I asked.
"I told you everyone and look (pointing to his report) smiley face, smiley face, smiley face. I don't know why Miss Heather did that."
"Why did you hit everyone?," I wondered.
"I don't know," Max started. "Oh, I know what happened. Miss Hazel filled out 'what I did today' and she likes me."
Phew, mystery solved. As for the hitting part, I'm not sure that mystery will ever be solved.

Ben doesn't just want toys, he needs toys. Lately, I've been telling him  to not act spoiled, which is difficult when you are so cute and have so many people wrapped around your finger.
At lunch today (why are the best coversations over food?) ...
"You are spoiled, Dad."
"Why am I spoiled?," I asked.
"You have a daughter. Spoiled. You have a wife. Spoiled. You are spoiled twice."

Very often, my wife does not let me in close distance to 'her' daughter, Millie. Today was a rare day where it was just me and Milllie all morning long. The day began with her not waking up until 9 in the morning, thus she became the best baby in the world. For shorthand, we will call her, BBITW. Unlike her brothers, BBITW's needs are simple, she's either hungry or tired. They are much the same needs her Mom has by the way. Anyway, most of the morning, BBITW just played with her fat cat, Diesel. Most noises that come out of her mouth sound like she is calling for her ba-ba(bottle). She has uttered a few Da-Da's (either going for Daddy or Diesel), but a huge breakthrough today. She was crying, I was ignoring. Finally, I asked her what was wrong.
"Poop," she said."
Lo and behold, there was poop. I changed her diaper. She went back to playing, I went back to ignoring and I expect my father of the year award in the mail any day now.

Max still likes to cuddle his Mama, but for how long?
Despite at first saying that he'd always need cuddles from Mom, he changed his mind and declared May 29th the day there would be no cuddles.
After being questioned further (never question a five year-old during WordWorld), Max had no explanation. Some are calling Saturday Doomsday, but make no mistake May 29th is the true doomsday for Max's parents.

Max has a sixth sense kind of direction. It's his way or the highway so to speak.
In fact, he's even taught dear, old Dad how to use the car's GPS. This past weekend, we took a trip to the mall from The Reporter and Mommy took a little detour. At least in Max's mind, who was completely confused that we were going to the mall from a different direction.
"Why couldn't Daddy drive," Max wondered a loud.
"She is going the wrong way," Max impatiently said moments later.
"Oh great, I have no idea where she is going," a now angry Max bellowed.
Explaining to Max that Mommy might have missed a turn and we were going the long way did not assuage his fears.
"We'll never get there."
Then in the distance after almost being brought to tears,  he saw the Mall across the road.
"Mommy please, go towards the Mall. Please! Do you see that big white building, go there. Do you see it? Do you??"
"Yes! We are here. Finally."
I then realized Max's running dialogue was almost word for word what I wanted to say to Amanda, but couldn't muster the courage. I think this is the point of having children -- so they can say what you want and now I'm in the clear.

It was a soccer day on Saturday. Max, playing in his second soccer game, has got to be the only 5 year-old keeping score. I attempted to explain to him what an assist was before the game, but I'm not sure he got it. While Max was running in circles, his team scored a goal. Max ran over to me and Ben on the sidelines.
"That's one assist," he yelled.
Quickly another goal went through in much the same scenario.
"That's another assist."
After the same thing happened moments later, I explained to him he had to pass the ball to a teammate in order to get credited with an assist.
"What?,:" he gasped.
He then proceeded to take credit for getting another assist, although not officially.
I think he set an intramural record for assists ...

Max, whether he realized it or not, took a liking to one of his female teammates at T-Ball practice on Thursday night. Her name is Jessie, but he for some reason refers to her as Genessie, claiming that's what her Mom calls her. They were somehow paired together to field grounders, and Max kept leaning up on her and almost attempted to cuddle her. It's behavior that is rarely seen from Max. In fact, the coach kept telling the two to separate. After the practice, I pointed out to him that Jessie seemed like his girlfriend even if she was unaware of it.
"I'm going to marry her. We're going to have a Royal Wedding," Max said.
A Royal Wedding, you mean like in England?
"Yeah, like on TV. Like what Mommy showed me."
Boy, we'd have to take a plane there.
"Yeah, when can we do that?"

Max and Ben have the deepest conversations, here's a snippet ...
Max: Ben, I think my favorite color is pink.
Ben: Why's that, Max?
Max: Because ham is pink.
Ben: Yeah, I like pink too.

Kindergarten is right around the corner and Max is ready. His parents not so much.
Max on buses ...
"They are for kindergarten," Max declared today. "All the buses are taking me to kindergarten."
I let him know that I'd be more than happy to drive him to kindergarten.
"No," he responded.
OK, OK, so I really want to drive him because I'm already worried about it. I then asked if I could follow him in our car.
"No, you can't follow me," Max said. "You can put me on the bus."
"But how will I know if you're OK," I asked Max.
"You'll know when I come home and get off the bus," Max neatly summed up.
I would love to know how other parents have overcome this fear of their kindergartner not being on the bus when they pick them up.

Now, this is a difficult topic for a 39 year-old to grasp, much less Max and Ben. Today, Max's pretzels disappeared and we had a real crime scene on our hands.
"Did Ben take my pretzels? Where are my pretzels," Max exclaimed.
When I pointed out to Max that once I give him the pretzels, my job is over things went a little haywire.
"You are making me nervous Ben, did you eat my pretzels?"
Innocent Ben just continued to color, completely ignoring big brother. A few moments later, the pretzels somehow turned up in Ben's desk.
A much calmer Max chowed down. When asked what Max thought the word nervous meant, he had this explanation.
"It means you're mad."

Max got what might be perceived as a negative note from school yesterday. It read, 'Max did not play well with his friends during board games. We talked about it and we're working on it.'
Max did not have much of a defense for his actions.
"I don't want to talk about it. I don't know why it says that because I was good."
I attempted to broach the subject with his teacher, who somehow said that Max has to be in control of board games, has to win and doesn't always play well with his friends. I revisited the topic with Max.
"Games are about duh, winning. That's what you say," Max said."
Oops!

Death has been on the mind of 5 year-old Max lately. Mostly, he does not want to turn 100 (when he will obviously die), but lately he has begun to see the positives of not having his parents around.
"I can't wait until you die because I could play Xbox all day long," Max said to me in the car on the way home from the library.
Sweet!
When I explained to him that by the time his parents turned 100, he could in fact be 66 his optimism was subdued.
"Will I have the same voice when I'm 66?"
"The same voice?," I wondered."
"Yeah, in Toy Story 3 Andy has a different voice."
"Your voice will probably change," I told him."
Max would not let this line of questioning go ...
"When I'm 66, can I play XBox all day?"
"If you want to," I explained."
"With no timer?"
"With no timer," I said."
"Sweet," he said.

Max upon looking at himself in the mirror this morning ...
"Mommy, is it handsome day at school today? Because I am one handsome, young man."

Napping is hit-or-miss with Ben. Today was not a good day for resting. When told he wouldn't get to see his bff Andrew at T-Ball tonight if he didn't rest, Ben was a bit angered.
"You are a creep, Dad."
Although I fought back the tears, I did let him know that being called a creep by your 3 year-old is not exactly endearing.
"A creep just means a boy. Max is a creep. OK, maybe that wasn't my best example, but you get what I mean."

Ben does not like going to bed. Mostly, he likes staying up with Mommy and watching some quality television. His latest thoughts on Dancing with the Stars ...
Ben: Dancing with the Stars is boring now.
Me: I thought you liked it.
Ben: Chris (Jericho) got voted off so it's boring. He went to school with Mommy but he's off. No, he worked with Mommy, but now he's off. It's boring.

When told he could not just have pizza for lunch ...
"Absolutely not young man. Pizza is good, everything else is bad."

Max on searching for a Mother's Day present ...
"Will somebody tell this guy he's going the wrong way? Kohl's is behind us."

On attempting to find a Mother's Day present at Gamestop
"We could always get Mommy an XBox 360."

I took the boys to Sesame Place on Saturday. While Ben did not appreciate waiting in lines and not getting to ride the roller coaster, Max had a pretty good time.
"This is better than T-ball. This is better than basketball. This is even better than a new Xbox game."